Not A Winner – Dozed To Death
2018 Not A Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin
(9 July 2018, Pennsylvania) A deadly game of hide-and-seek with a bulldozer
happened after a county maintenance worker discovered a dozen hidden pot
plants and called police. The vice squad arrived at the stinky weed garden
and one of the suspects surrendered immediately, but the other, Gregory
Longenecker, took off running.
The vice officer hopped onto the ‘dozer with the maintenance worker and,
assisted by helicopter surveillance, began to ‘doze through the shrubbery.
THIS INCIDENT IS NOT A DARWIN AWARD AND HERE’S WHY. Evading capture by
hiding in thick underbrush might be foolish, but no one expects a bulldozer
Search efforts failed to root out the man, so the vice officer halted the
earth-moving machine and hopped off to scan the area. That is when the male
suspect was discovered laying dead on the ground behind the bulldozer.
DOZED TO DEATH was nominated for a Darwin Award but after reviewing the
facts and fan protests, we have come to the conclusion that it was not
Mr. Longenecker’s fault that he was crushed in this repulsive and
unexpected homicide. The suspect was unarmed. The brush was impassable so
he could not run far. And the crime of which Mr. Longenecker was suspected
was growing a plant.
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