Molten Man

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2022 Darwin Award: Molten Man: Pompeii And Circumstance


Honoring Charles Darwin, the father of
evolution, Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene
pool–by removing themselves from it in the most spectacular way possible.

Molten Man: Pompeii And Circumstance

2022 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin

At Pompeii, Italy a preserved victim of the ashey volcano explosion lies in the long-dead dust

(2 January 2022, Hawaii USA) The man was 75 but still game for an off-limits sortie into Volcanoes National Park. As a resident of the nearby town of Hilo, the elder hiker was well aware of lava’s distinctive molten danger. Probably had a picture of Pompeii on the wall. Yet this midnight hike past a ‘WARNING YOU WILL DIE!’ sign–all locals know better–seemed sensible to him. How cool to see the hot red glow of lava at night, right?

Mesmerizing lava was the siren song that lured this old boy to a magnificent sight and a midnight death. “Natural Laws Have No Pity,” deceased author Robert Heinlein commented to the luckless volcano-vanquished chap, as he woke up in the afterlife. I hereby suggest that this man is worthy of an award for his red-blooded stupidity.

Can we give a Darwin Award to an oldster and not bellow about how he already is done reproducing, my dear readers? I cannot help but love these confrontations with nature, esp. when they happen to…

My own family…

…behaved crazy stupid visiting Hawaii’s Big Island. It was a horror. Relatives called me, “Take a picture of us BEHIND THIS SIGN!” The sign said, ‘Do Not Go Beyond This Point, YOU WILL DIE.'”Get back this side of that sign!” I urged. But they just laughed and stomped their feet on the wrinkled lava, demanding a photo.

The old man’s family reported the Darwin Award nominee missing at midnight
on Sunday evening, and his body was recovered 8 hours later at 8AM Monday
morning. It’s not the end-all of the 2022 Darwin Awards, yet Mr Lava Melt
certainly deserves his hour of notoriety.



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